Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Chuckle 3083

(Chuckle 3083)

(Elva B of Coldwell ID gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~Living Proof~ (Second time around) (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day,
Today’s Horoscope, Halloween Cartoon, and Bumper Stickers from Pat.)

A doctor on his morning walk noticed the old lady pictured below. She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?" "I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and I don't exercise at all."
Bless her little heart.....How sweet........
















"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Forty," she replied.
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
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(Halloween Cartoon)














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Bumper Stickers from PatHorn Broken... Watch For Finger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.

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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Chuckle 3082

(Chuckle 3082)

(Nicky H of Florence OR gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~A ROMANTIC STORY~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

I guess I'm just a softie----'cause these romantic stories always get to me. --Jerry

So, a couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was. The husband answered and in a calm voice said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford and I told you that I would get it for you some day?" The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store." He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."

________________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
________________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)


















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(Find the six differences, answers below)


































Sunday, October 28, 2012

Chuckle 3081

(Chuckle 3081)

(Charlie M of Bradenton FL gets today’s chuckle thanks)


~OLD WRINKLED ASS~ (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and New Bumper Stickers

How the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, He blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day For 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the Tobacco Company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are Brats without manners, You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a Deranged madman, You blame the gun manufacturer...

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased Blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to Understand the world as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to Blame Bill Gates.















Have a nice day!
___________________________________________________________
(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

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For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

________________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)

















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(From Pat M of Florence)
Bumper Stickers

"If you can't feed em, don't breed em!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Chuckle 3080

(Chuckle 3080)

(Rick R of Surrey BC gets today’s chuckle thanks)



















Only a man would think of this!

NOW HERE IS THE REST OF THE STORY!! ENJOY... I ALWAYS WONDERED ABOUT THIS.

Learn something everyday, to keep your brain active. Your lesson for the day....

HOW BOOBS GOT THEIR NAME? Brilliant, I had no idea. You learn something every day. This is much simpler than I thought!

~How BOOBS Got Their Name ~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

Plan Elevation Side View












No need to thank me, just trying to keep my friends informed and educated.

___________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

________________________________________________________
(Maxine Cartoon)















_____________________________________________________________
(Find the six differences, answers below)


























Friday, October 26, 2012

Chuckle 3079




(Chuckle 3079)

(Nicky H of Florence OR gets today’s chuckle thanks)


~Fishing Trip~ (Second time around) (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!)

Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife, Cindy, puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's buddies are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk Cindy into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and Cindy came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am.
______________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
________________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)









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(From Gary B of La Habra CA)
Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!

(This one actually makes sense...LOL)

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers
always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward,
they'd still be in the boat."

This is the last of this series!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Chuckle 3078

(Chuckle 3078)

(Charlie M of Bradenton FL gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~It's the door! ~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

"Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was? Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an “event boundary” in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. “Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale."

It's not aging, it's the door!
(Whew... Thank goodness for these important studies)
______________________________________________
(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/
________________________________________________________
(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
________________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)



















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(Find the six differences, answers below)






























Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Chuckle 3077

(Chuckle 3077)
(Rick and Ann of Surrey BC get today’s chuckle
thanks!)
Chuckle 249 (sent in Feb 2004)











~ BUS RIDE: ~ (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!)

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to get up and investigate.

When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and says,


"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"
_________________________________________________________
(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

________________________________________________________
(Maxine Cartoon)




















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(From Gary B of La Habra CA)
Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!

------------------------------------

A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.

His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"

He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.

"Here boy!" he replies.

-----------------------------------

A blond man is in jail.

Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the blond replies.

"It should be around your neck?" says the guard.

"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Chuckle 3076

(Chuckle 3076)

(Today’s chuckle thanks go to Mary S. of Los Osos CA for the 1st and Dean O. of Florence OR for the 2nd!)
Chuckle 275 (Sent out in March 2004)

~Irish Confessional: ~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin'; there's no paper on this side either.

_______________________________________________

~God Sometimes Thinks Twice: ~

A man walking along an Oregon beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I shall grant you one wish."

The man said, "I would like a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord replied, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The piers required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It would nearly exhaust several natural resources. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long while. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, and what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make her truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

________________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)


















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(Find the six differences, answers below)


























Sunday, October 21, 2012

Chuckle 3075

(Chuckle 3075)

(Rick and Ann of Surrey BC gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~Two boys!!! ~ (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!)

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.



The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,

"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,

"Where is God?!

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,

"WHERE IS GOD?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,

"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

_____________________________________________________________

 (Maxine Cartoon)




















________________________________________________________

(From Gary B of La Habra CA)
Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!


A blond man shouts frantically into the phone

"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.

"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"

------------------------------------

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk.

Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.

A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.

The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Chuckle 3074

(Chuckle 3074)

(Mary S of Los Osos CA gets today’s chuckle thanks for
Chuckle 432 (Sent out in Aug. 2004)

~Smart Blonde~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

A well dressed blonde walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. She said she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer said the bank would need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde handed over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank, she had the title and everything checked out. The bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeded to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41

The loan officer said, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzled us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde chuckle!


_________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

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For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

________________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)



















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(Find the six differences, answers below)































Friday, October 19, 2012

Chuckle 3073

(Chuckle 3073)

(Chuckle thanks for today’s chuckle go to
Dean and Dee in Florence, OR!)

Chuckle 238 (Sent out in Feb 2004)

~Donkey for Sale~ (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!)

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya goanna do with him?"

"I'm going to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00."

"Didn't anyone complain?" Asked the farmer.

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
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Today in History Click
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

__________________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)

















___________________________________________________________

(From Gary B of La Habra CA)
Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.

"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".

The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

-----------------------------------

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".

He spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.











Thursday, October 18, 2012

Chuckle 3072

(Chuckle 3072)
Chuckle 112 (Sent out on Oct. 8th 2003.)

(Thanks for this Chuckle go to Rick and Ann of Surrey BC


~Her First Football Game~ (Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind the bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she said, "especially the really tight pants and all of the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What on earth do you mean?"

"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"
_______________________________________________________
(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

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For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
________________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)

















_____________________________________________________________

(Find the six differences, answers below)


































Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Chuckle 3071

(Chuckle 3071)

(Phyllis and Chet in Pasadena CA get today’s chuckle thanks)
~Shipwrecked ~ (Second time around) (Also: Today in History,
Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and
Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!)

TRUE STORY:

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.















In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the row boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "You've built a Golf Course?"

______________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

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For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
_______________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)



















_________________________________________________________

(From Gary B of La Habra CA)
Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said:
"Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

----------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"

He answers, “Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Chuckle 3070

(Chuckle 3070)

(Holly S of Chicago Ill gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~THE POLISH DIVORCE~ (Second time around) (Plus: Today in History,
Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?

No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?

No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

I can read English pretty good, and it says:



















________________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
________________________________________________________

(Maxine Cartoon)

















________________________________________________________

(Find the six differences, answers below)



























Sunday, October 14, 2012

Chuckle 3069

(Chuckle 3069)

(Charlie M of Bradenton FL gets today’s chuckle thanks)



~National Senior Mental Health Week~ (Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!)

An Elderly married couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.

After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car,
and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her,

while you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.

This email was cleaned by email Stripper, available for free from
http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
_______________________________________________________

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/

______________________________________________________________
(Maxine Cartoon)





















_________________________________________________________

(From Gary B of La Habra CA)
Equal opportunity Blonde jokes!

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man replied, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

_________________________________________________________________
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Chuckle 3068

(Chuckle 3068)

(Mac M of Florence OR gets today’s chuckle thanks)

~Montana Department of Employment~ (Second time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and 6 differences.)

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

GOVT AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

GOVT AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.
_______________________________________________________
(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
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(Maxine Cartoon)















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(Find the six differences, answers below)


























Friday, October 12, 2012

Chuckle 3067

(Chuckle 3067)

(Keith K of Florence OR gets today’s chuckle thanks)


~ TWO CATHOLIC PARROTS~(Also: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope, Maxine, and Will Rogers Sayings)

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say', the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment, 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem.

I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying, That phrase, In no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.

As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:

'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,

'Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!'














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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

Word for the day Click

http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

For today's Horoscope click
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/8404539/
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(Maxine Cartoon)


















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(Will Rogers Sayings from Phyllis and Chet)

11. Lettin' the cat outta the
bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
(This is the last of Will Rogers)