Chuckle 5339

Chuckle 5339

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L in Mt. Vernon WA)

~Children Are Quick~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and  6 Diff’s)

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TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find   North America   .
MARIA:         Here it  is.
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered   America ?
CLASS:         Maria.
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TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:                 You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  

(I  Love this child)
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TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
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TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:       Me!
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TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:          Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are.  
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TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  '
MILLIE:         I  is..
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.'
MILLIE:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'      
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TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  
                   Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had  the axe in his hand....    
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TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
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TEACHER:       Clyde , your  composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your   brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :         No, sir. It's the same dog.    
 
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

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TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer  interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher
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MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!

LAUGHTER  IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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6 Diff’s

Chuckle 5338

Chuckle 5338

 (Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Elva B and Nancy S.

~CHILDREN OF A GENERATION---LIVED IN THE BEST OF TIMES~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign )

Some of you may be borderline – but you’ll get it)

 Born  in the 1930s and 40s, we exist as a very special age cohort. We are the Silent Generation.

 We  are the smallest number of children born since the early 1900s. We are the "last ones."

 We  are the last generation, climbing out of the depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war which rattled the structure of our daily lives for years.

 We are the generation when men went to war and women for the first time went to work outside  the homes to build war fighting equipment and war support items.

 We  are the last to remember ration books for everything from gas to sugar to shoes to stoves.

 We saved tin foil and poured fat into tin cans.

 We hand mixed 'white stuff' with 'yellow stuff' to make fake butter.

 We  saw cars up on blocks because tires weren't available.

 We can remember milk being delivered to our house early in the morning and placed in the "milk box" on the porch. [A friend's mother delivered milk in a horse drawn cart.] We sometimes fed the horse, and our dog, Spot, a Fox Terrier, would greet the milkman when he made our delivery, then he would ride in the milk truck till the end of his route, when he would drive by the house and let Spot off the truck.

 Many of us are the last to hear Roosevelt’s radio assurances and to see gold stars in the front windows of our grieving neighbors and blue stars to show sons in the military.

 Many of us can remember the parades on August 15, 1945 to celebrate victory over Japan--- VJ Day.

 We saw the 'boys" home from the war, build their little houses, pouring the cellar, tar papering  it over and living there until they could afford the time and money to build homes.

 If you would like read the rest of these let me know and I’ll send them to you.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Sign

Chuckle 5337

Chuckle 5337

Received in Oct 2002

~THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!~
( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and  Sign )

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.  She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note.  "I have
kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde."  She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.  The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag,behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.  Inside the bag was the following note...
  "Here is your money.  I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"  

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

Chuckle 5336

Chuckle 5336

   Received in July 2001     

 ~ Xmas Golf!!~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diffs)

  Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an
argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.  His buddies chimed in, "let's do it!"    "We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here
early, Christmas morning."

When Christmas morning arrives, they are on the links.  The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune!  I bought my wife a diamond ring she can't take her eyes off of."   

Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too.  My wife is home planning the cruise I gave her.  She's up to her eyeballs in brochures."

Number 3 guy said "Well >my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turn to the last guy in the group, and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds.  

"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.  I slapped my wife on the rump and said, "Well babe, is it sex or golf? and she

said, "Take a sweater."

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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6 Diff’’s

Chuckle 5335

Chuckle 5335  (Hey a palindrome, gonna be a good day Folks.

~Leaving the House Problems~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.histonry.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Chuckle 5334

Chuckle 5334

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L in Mt Vernon WA)

~Bored~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Herman)

I’m as bored as an Amish electrician.{They dont have electricity?}

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Ontario has banned groups larger than 5.

If you’re a family of 6, you’re all about to find out who’s the least favorite!

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Day 7 at Home and the dog is looking at me like “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

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Health Tip: If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.

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My house got TP’d last night … it’s now appraised at $875,000

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Never in my whole life would I imagine my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth! 

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The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required!

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Remember when we were little and our underwear had the days of the week on them?

Yeah, they would be very helpful right now.

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Happy hour is starting earlier and earlier.

If this keeps up, I’ll be pouring wine in my cereal!

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Chuckle 5333

 Chuckle 5333 Floppy

Received in Mar 2001

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and
participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing
in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired,
publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased. A few weeks later the
meeting hall was packed, and the towns people sat fascinated as the
hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch.
The hypnotist began chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch
the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed
the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and
the watch fell to the floor. "Crap!" said the hypnotist. It took three
weeks to clean up the town hall.

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Sign

Chuckle 5332

Chuckle 5332

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy in Sun City AZ)

~Irish Humor~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and 6 Diff’s )

Confession

An elderly man walked into a confessional. The following conversation ensued:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. But yesterday, I picked up two hitch-hiking college girls.  Then we drove to a motel where I had sex with each of them, three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man:  'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old...and I'm telling everybody!'

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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6 Diffs

Chuckle 5330

Chuckle 5330

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Nancy S of Sun City AZ)

~Story From A Minnesota State Trooper~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Herman)

 
I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on MN
State Highway 201 at Mile Marker 197 just East of McGregor,MN.

 

I asked for drivers' license, registration, and proof of insurance.
The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.  In with
the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she
had a Concealed Carry Permit.  I looked at her and asked if she had
a weapon in her possession at this time.
 
She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.
 
Something....body language, or the way she said it....made me want
to ask her if she had any other firearms.
 
She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console.
Now, I had to ask one more time if that was all.
 
She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38
special in her purse.
 
I then asked her what she was afraid of?

She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not A F ***** g Thing!'
 
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Herman