Chuckle 5367

Chuckle 5367 Classic

Chuckle 651 ( sent out in April 2005)

(Mary in Los Osos gets double thanks for today’s chuckles!)

~Mood Ring~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and  6 diff’s)

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns a beautiful blue-green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

~Old Harold~

Old Harold's In the Hospital Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child.  She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

 Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse.  One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand.  He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice.  So.....The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.  "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today " At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again.  Maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted!

Old Harold just smiled!

Don't mess with old people!

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Chuckle 5366

Chuckle 5366

Sent out in Oct.2003

Chuckle 8

~A Good Nights Sleep ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign)

     A sixty year old woman went to the Doctor for a checkup. She was
required to bring with her all the types of medicine she had at home. As
the Doc was looking through these he came across Birth Control pills. "Mrs. Smith do you realize that these are Birth Control pills"? He said.

"Yes, they help me sleep at night".
 "But Mrs. Smith there is nothing in them that would help you to sleep!"
 "I know that, but when I grind one up each morning and put it in the glass
 of orange juice that my 17 year old granddaughter drinks, believe me, it
helps me sleep at night"!
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Chuckle 5365

Chuckle 5365

Some of these are really clever….Hope all is well with you!

We are fine.  Sheltering at home is not too different than other times for us!

Love, Phyllis

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA)

~Smiles ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid and Sign )

 I'm as bored as an Amish electrician. 

  ~~~~~ 
Never in my whole life would I imagine my hands would consume more 
alcohol than my mouth! 
~~~~~ 
The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to return to a society 
where pants and bras are required! 
~~~~~ 
Remember when we were little and our underwear had the days of the week on them? 
Yeah, they would be very helpful right now. 
~~~~ 
Happy hour is starting earlier and earlier. 
If this keeps up, Ill be pouring wine in my cereal! 
~~~~~ 
Today's Weather? 
Room temperature 
~~~~~ 
30 Days Hath September, April, June and November. 
All the rest have 31 ... except March which had 8000! 
~~~~~ 

Smoking pot and skipping school had me in trouble constantly. 
Now weed's legal and schools are closed ... damn kids are living the dream! 
~~~~~ 
This is stupid. I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer and it came 
out as a rum coke! 
~~~~~ 
If you get an email with the subject, Knock Knock, don't open it. 
Its a Jehovah Witness working from home. 
~~~~~ 
After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on 
the sidewalk outside. 
I immediately ran to the window and started yelling to them. 
Now I understand dogs. 
~~~~~ 
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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Sign

Chuckle 5364

Chuckle 5364 Classic

Chuckle 4545  (Sept 2017)

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Jane C of Florence OR)

This has been around before- but still cute! ---Jane---

~Wife is missing~(Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and Herman)

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height? 

Husband: I'm not sure.  A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband:  Don't know.  Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes ?

Husband: Sort of brown I think.  Never really noticed.

Sheriff: Color of hair? Husband: Changes a couple times a year.  Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sheriff:  What was she wearing?

Husband:  Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts.  I don't know exactly.

Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in ?

Husband:  She went in my truck.

Sheriff:    What kind of truck was it ?

Husband : A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi

V8 engine ordered with the  Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air  conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the  bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD  with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra Error! Hyperlink reference not valid. 40-channel CB  radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets.  I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. 

He started choking up.

Sheriff:  Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!!!

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 5363

Chuckle 5363 Classic

Chuckle 4532 Classic (Jan 2017)

(New innovations from Bev L in Mt Vernon WA.)

Flower shaped Urinals 

Chuckle 176 (Sent out in Dec 2003)

(Today’s chuckle was sent to us by Willie and Joy of Sacramento CA. Thanks to both of you!)

~OH MY GOD: ~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Maxine and 6 Diff’s)

  A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.  After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.  Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles.  The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax..  OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.  While I was talking to you, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap." "You should see the front of my pants!  "A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing.  You should see the back of mine!"
 

(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

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Eye exercise time; Spot the 6 diff’s

Click the clips

Chuckle 5361

Chuckle 5361

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bev L in Mt Vernon WA)

~BIG CHEEKS~ (Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope, Aunty Acid,  Sign  and A lot to read,

`Bet you don't know "Big cheeks".

Big cheeks. A grandson of slaves, a boy was born in a poor neighborhood of New Orleans known as the "Back of Town."  His father abandoned the family when the child was an infant. His mother became a prostitute and the boy and his sister had to live with their grandmother.

Early in life he proved to be gifted for music and with three other kids he sang in the streets of New Orleans. His first gains were coins that were thrown to them.

 A Jewish family, Karnofsky, who had emigrated from Lithuania to the USA, had pity for the 7-year-old boy and brought him into their home. Initially giving 'work' in the house, to feed this hungry child. There he remained and slept in this Jewish family's home where, for the first time in his life, he was treated with kindness and tenderness.

 When he went to bed, Mrs. Karnovsky sang him a Russian lullaby that he would sing with her. Later, he learned to sing and play several Russian and Jewish songs.

 Over time, this boy became the adopted son of this family.

The Karnofskys gave him money to buy his first musical instrument; as was the custom in the Jewish families.

 They sincerely admired his musical talent. Later, when he became a professional musician and composer, he used these Jewish melodies in compositions, such as St. James Infirmary and Go Down Moses. The young black boy grew up and wrote a book about this Jewish family who had adopted him in 1907.  In memory of this family and until the end of his life, he wore a Star of David and said that in this family, he had learned "how to live real life and determination."

 You might recognize his name.  This little boy was called: Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong.

 Louis Armstrong proudly spoke fluent Yiddish!  And "Satchmo" is Yiddish for "Big Cheeks"!

  And I'll bet you did not know any of this.

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Chuckle 5360

Chuckle 5360

(Today’s Chuckle thanks go to Bill P of Florence OR.)

~Emergence~ ( Plus: Today in history, Word for the day, Today’s horoscope,  Maxine and Herman)

"IT DID NOT HAPPEN TO ME BUT I FOUND THIS STORY INTERESTING ENOUGH TO SHARE WITH ALL OF YOU.  PLEASE BE SAFE OUT THERE"
 
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn’t believe! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
 
But to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men. And of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy.
 
It wasn’t long before a state trooper pulled up behind me. He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
 
“What’s going on here?’
 
‘My car has a flat tire,’ I said calmly.
 
‘Well, what the heck are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?’
 
I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know. So I told him,
 ‘Hell000000, those are my emergency flashers!’
 
->God bless you all!!!<- span="">

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(Today in History Click)
http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history

(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day

(For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)
http://www.prokerala.com/astrology/horoscope/

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Maxine

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Herman

Chuckle 5359

Chuckle 5359 Classic

Chuckle 1611

(Today's chuckle thanks go to Pat M of Florence OR!)

~Lipstick in School ~ (2^nd time around)

(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. 

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. 

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. 

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. 

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. 

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. 

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers.... and then there are educators.

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(Click Today in History and learn.)

Today in history

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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)

(Word for the Day)

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George H of Florence OR gets our thanks for sharing these awards with us!

Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents rural< BR>Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

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(Find the 6 differences, for answers check spots on 3^rd drawing

below.)

Chuckle 5358

Chuckle 5358 Classic

Chuckle 1556 ( sent out in May 2008)

(Bev L of Calgary Alberta gets today’s chuckle thanks!)

~Polish Divorce ~ (2^nd time around)

(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day, Today’s Horoscope and

Six Differences.)

  A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

  The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

- Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

- It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

- No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like?

- All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

- We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?

- No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?

- No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?

- She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?

- I got proof.

What kind of proof?

- She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover".

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(Click Today in History and learn.)

•	Today in history

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 (Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)

(Word for the Day)

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 (For today's Horoscope click Today's Horoscope)

Today's Horoscope )

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(Do you remember the movie actor below?

Scroll down to get the answer.)

> 

> 

> 

John Ritter (1948-2003)

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