Chuckle 1362

Chuckle 1362
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Marlene W of Florence!)


~Harley Man~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take..! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives..; I want to know how she feels inside.., what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment.., why she cries.., what she means when she says: "Nothing's wrong".., and how I can make a woman truly happy..!"

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?***


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Quotes gathered by Phyllis H

Charlie McCarthy "Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"

Robert Orben "Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get."

Ellen Degeneres "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1361

Chuckle 1361
(GGBG of Florence OR gets today chuckle thanks!)


~The Bottle of Wine ~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

For all of us who are married, were married, wish You were married, or wish you weren't married, this Is something to smile about the next time you see a Bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business Trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make A bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old Woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or Two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

"Good trade....." ***

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Quotes gathered by Phyllis H;

Groucho Marx "I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal."

Henny Youngman "I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock."

Douglas Adams "A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
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Chuckle 1360

Chuckle 1360
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Scott Barns of Rancho Cordova CA!)

~An Indian Named Onestone~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.

She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?????.

OH, come on...take a guess!

Think about it (You're going to love this!)

And the moral is..! .. You CAN'T kill two birds with one stone!! ***

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Quotes gathered by Phyllis H

Rodney Dangerfield "When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."

Herbert Clark Hoover "About the time we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends."

Flip Wilson "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1359

Chuckle 1359
(Dean O of Florence OR gets today chuckle thanks!)


~A Real Cowboy ~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

An old cowboy sat down at the Star bucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian." ***

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Quotes gathered by Phyllis H

Ernest Haskins "Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have."

David Letterman "USA Today has come out with a new survey: apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."

Douglas Adams "I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
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Chuckle 1358

Chuckle 1358
(George H of Florence OR gets today chuckle thanks!)

This picture of George came in just the other day.








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~The Drunk~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud bloodcurdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, yet another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

"What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles.

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!" ***

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Quotes gathered by Phyllis H

Arnold H. Glasgow "A consultant is someone who saves his client almost enough to pay his fee."

Jeff Foxworthy "I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did."

Sam Ewing "Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about."
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1357

Chuckle 1357
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Carrie M of Sacramento Ca!)

This is a recent photo of Carrie that just came in;
I swear she looks just like Doris Day!!

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~Instructions for A Fun Time On the Interstate~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell....
Step 3. Watch people freak out!!!!














Can you imagine some guy going 90 mph on the interstate with these balloons trailing a few yards behind him?

"I don't care who you are....now that's funny! Lord forgive me!

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Quotes gathered by Phyllis H

Jerry Seinfeld "Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason."

Red Skelton "All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner."

Will Rogers "The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected."
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Chuckle 1356

Chuckle 1356
(Charles M of Bradenton FL gets today chuckle thanks!)





~Ancient Cave Symbols~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)



Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:



It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!
The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.



The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them." Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.
The audience applauded enthusiastically.



Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left......
It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick

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Quotes gathered by Phyllis H.

Leroy 'Satchel' Paige "If you tell a lie, always rehearse it. If it don't sound good to you, it won't sound good to anybody."

Flip Wilson "The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down."

Arthur C. Clarke "The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale."
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1355

Chuckle 1355
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Charlotte P of North Bend OR!)



~Pink Envelope~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly Offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a Pink envelope containing $1000. It happened Again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched As the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the Distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me Money, and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does He send you?"

The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat Houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno." ***

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Quotes gathered by Phyllis H

W. C. Fields "It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it."

Jay Leno "Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"

Mark Twain "A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way."
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Chuckle 1354

Chuckle 1354
(Rich C of Yuma AZ gets today chuckle thanks!)

"Mexican Execution"
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

Three Norwegians went down to Mexico to celebrate their college graduations, got drunk, and woke up in jail, only to find that they were to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, Sven, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I yust graduated from Waldorf College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees; beg for Sven's forgiveness, and release him.

The second, Lars, is strapped in and gives his last words, "I yust graduated from the Concordia College in Moorhead and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately fall to their knees; beg for his forgiveness and release him.

The last one, Ole, is strapped in and says, "Vell, I'm from the North Dakota State University and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in!" ***



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Phyllis H of Carpinteria CA has gathered together these Quotes
from famous people, Thanks Phyllis!

Quotes gathered by Phyllis H

Bob Hope "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

Erma Bombeck "Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?"

M. Grundler "It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane."
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1353

Chuckle 1353
(Rich W of Paso Robles CA gets today chuckle thanks!)

~Government Job~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"

"Yes," he says. "I was in Viet Nam for three years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.

You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00A.M."

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00
P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"

"This is a government job" the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls...no point in you coming in for that." ***

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~Some Clever Thoughts~ from Dick L of Florence OR

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
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Chuckle 1352

Chuckle 1352
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA!)
Listen up! If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you are dead. ---Phyllis---

~Underwear~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead. ***

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~Some Clever Thoughts~ from Dick L of Florence OR

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1351

Chuckle 1351
(Dick L of Florence OR gets today chuckle thanks!)
Dick sent me this photo of himself which he claims was
taken recently.













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~Letter from Home~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,

Mom ***

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~Some Clever Thoughts~ from Dick L of Florence OR

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
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Chuckle 1350

Chuckle 1350
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Bev L of Florence OR!)


~CAN YOU FIGURE THIS OUT? ~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

I am only sending this to my smart friends and relatives. I could not figure it out at all until seeing the answer. See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common....... ---Bev---

Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Assess

Are You Peeking Or Have You Already Given Up?

Give It Another Try.... You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer.

Go back and look at them again; think hard.

OK... Here You Go. Hope You Didn't Cheat.

This Is Cool. SCROLL DOWN









Answer: In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. ***

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~Some Clever Thoughts~ from Dick L of Florence OR

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1349

Chuckle 1349
(Joyce K of Florence AZ gets today chuckle thanks!)

~Tampax for Little Boys ~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" 'Eight," the boy replies.

The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?"

"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me.

They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."

Smile.....each day is a gift!!!! ***

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~Some Clever Thoughts~ from Dick L of Florence OR

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
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Chuckle 1348

~Happy St. Patrick's Day Everybody!!~

Chuckle 1348
Pam S of Roseville CA gets today chuckle thanks!)











vs.











~Work vs. Prison~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.

@ PRISON /@ WORK

you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle

you get three meals a day fully paid for
you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

you get time off for good behavior
you get more work for good behavior

the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself

you can watch TV and play games
you could get fired for watching TV and playing games

you get your own toilet
you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat

they allow your family and friends to visit
you aren't even supposed to speak to your family

all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from
your salary to pay for prisoners

you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

you must deal with sadistic wardens
they are called managers


THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!
Now get back to work.You're not getting paid to check emails ***
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~Some Clever Thoughts~ from Dick L of Florence OR

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
_______________________________________________________________

(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1347

Chuckle 1347
(GGBG of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)


~Killer Biscuits~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
(THE ACTUAL AP HEADLINE)

Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay and Lisa replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. Lisa is a blonde.

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~Some Clever Thoughts~ from Dick L of Florence OR

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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Chuckle 1346

Chuckle 1346
(Today's chuckles thanks go to Phyllis H of Carpinteria CA!)

Someone sent me this college picture of Phyllis.



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~Life in Alaska ~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens It and sees a huge, bearded man standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road...Having a Christmas party Friday night...Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...There's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too."

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us." ***

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~Some Clever Thoughts~ from Dick L of Florence OR

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1346

Chuckle 1345
(Jayne C of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)


~Send Help! ~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

"Send someone over quickly!"

the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!"

"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."

"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"



YA'LL HAVE A GOOD DAY NOW ... YA HEAR?


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15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
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Chuckle 1344

Chuckle 1344
(Sandy J of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~Blonde's Revenge~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN! ***

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13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
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Chuckle 1343

Chuckle 1343
(Today's chuckles thanks go to George H of Florence OR!)

~Deceit ~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

DUI - UPPER MICHIGAN STYLE

Only a person in Upper Michigan could think of this. From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Escanaba, Michigan after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.

He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Yooper. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." ***
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11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
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Chuckle 1342

Chuckle 1342
(Charlotte P of North Bend OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~True Love~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."***

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9 Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)