Chuckle 1272

Chuckle 1272
(Today's chuckle thanks go to George H of Florence OR!)


~The Silent Treatment ~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. ***

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

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(An Old Farmer's Daily Advice.)

Keep skunks & bankers & lawyers at a distance.

_____________________________________________________

(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1270

Chuckle 1271
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Charles M of Bradenton FL!)

Charles M of Bradenton FL has a farmer friend who loves to give him
Will Rogers' kind of advice. This will replace Steven Wright's gem for the day. Thanks Charles!


~Hunting~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" ***

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(An Old Farmer's Daily Advice.)

* Keep your fences horse-high, pig-tight & bull-strong.
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Chuckle 1270

Chuckle 1270
(Anonymous from Podunk MA gets today's chuckle thanks!)


~Ducks in Heaven~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

Three guys die together and go to heaven. ..St. Peter says, " We only have one rule, don't step on the ducks as they are God's favorite creation."
They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it's almost impossible not to step on a duck. The first guy accidentally steps on one, and soon here comes St. Peter with the biggest ugliest woman he'd ever seen. St. Peter chained them together and says, "Your punishment is to be chained to this ugly woman for ever."
The next day the second guy steps on a duck. Sure enough
St. Peter comes with another ugly woman and chains them together.
Seeing this the third guy is very, very careful and doesn't step on any ducks. One day St. Peter comes along with
this beautiful woman: Blond, blue-eyed, very young and very sexy .
He chains them together and leaves without a word. The man remarks "I wonder what I did to deserve this fortune?"
The Blond says "I don't know about you but I stepped on a duck." ***
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(Steven Wright's gem for the day.)

34. If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1269

Chuckle 1269
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA!)



~It's Tough Getting Old~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"

The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!" ***

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33. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
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Chuckle 1268

Chuckle 1268
(Rich and Flo C of Yuma AZ get today's chuckle thanks!)

~THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)


Tribute to a man who DID make a difference:

May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003


ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100 "I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."

ON GOLF "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS "I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

ON GOING TO HEAVEN "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality. ***

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(Steven Wright's gem for the day.)

32. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1267

Chuckle 1267
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Marlene W of Florence OR!)

~Man of the House~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

A husband, who had just finished reading a book titled I AM MAN OF THE HOUSE, stormed into the kitchen, and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing his finger DIRECTLY in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!

"You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight," he continued, "and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert."

"Then," he persisted, "after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair."

His wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess!" ***

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31. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
_______________________________________________________.

Chuckle 1266

Chuckle 1266
(Rick R of Surrey BC gets today's chuckle thanks!)
From Mr Chuckles

~ Christmas Chuckle ~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells".

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

Saint Peter looked with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carols." ***

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30. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1265

Chuckle 1265
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Rick R of Surrey BC!)

~Montana Rancher~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Department of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the rancher, "There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes $10 per week, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night."

"That's the guy I want to talk to -- the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the rancher. ***

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29. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Chuckle 1264

Chuckle 1264
(Carrie M of Sacramento CA gets today's chuckle thanks!)


~Dumb Sign~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)




Be sure to read the last line!


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28. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1263

Chuckle 1263
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Jayne C of Florence OR!)


~Two Sisters~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide
to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599 - no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive it here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I
want you to send her the word 'comfortable'."


The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly......... com-for-da-bull". ***

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27. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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Chuckle 1262

Chuckle 1262
(Charles M of Bradenton FL gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~Cat in Heaven~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."

God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.

The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."

God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!" ***

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26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1261

Chuckle 1261
(Today's chuckle thanks go to George H of Florence OR!)

~Get Well Soon~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence:

"Get well quick..... From the nurse you gave a Ticket to last week." ***


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25. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Chuckle 1260

Chuckle 1260
(Pat M of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~A Bit of Aging Humor~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
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If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
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First you forget names, and then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft... Today, it's called golf. ***

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24. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
_______________________________________________________

(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1259

Chuckle 1259
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Phyllis H of Carpinteria CA!)


~Accident~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

Please read the letter from the wife to the husband before looking at the photo. (See photo at the bottom of the page.)

"To my darling husband;

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not to bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweet heart.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife. ***

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23. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
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Chuckle 1258

Chuckle 1258
(Joyce K of Florence AZ gets today's chuckle thanks!)


~Don't Forget To Pay Your Taxes~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

5 million of our older Americans have not signed up yet for their Medicare, Part D, drug plan------they are old and confused. We are NOT going to grant them an extension. However, 12 million illegal aliens are in our country and we are going to allow them to stay, protest, procreate, receive support monies, attend schools, avoid paying income taxes, have our teachers take 300 hours of ESL (English as a Second Language) training at our expense, etc.

WE MUST REALLY DISLIKE OUR OLD PEOPLE......OR WE MUST REALLY LOVE TACOS!!!



Don't forget to pay your taxes......12 million illegal aliens are depending on you! ***


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22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1256

Chuckle 1257
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Phyllis S of Pasadena CA!)

~Contest Entries~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most Romantic first line...but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received:

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, violets are dead, sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime... ***

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21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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Chuckle 1256

Chuckle 1256
(Dean O of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)


~Blonde Guy~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his
4-year-old son comes up and says "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

"You rotten S.O.B.," says the husband, "My wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"


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20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Chuckle 1255

Chuckle 1255
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Marlene W of Florence OR!)



~Pet Fish~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man ..."Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"No, sir", replied the redneck. "I ain't got none of them there licenses, these here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yeah, every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of crap, fish can't do that."

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works."

"OK," said the warden. "I've got to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, "Well?"

Well, what?," says the redneck.

The warden says, "When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

The FISH", replied the warden!

"What fish?" replied the redneck.

Moral of this story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees! ***

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19. I intend to live forever; so far, so good.
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Chuckle 1254

Chuckle 1254
(George H and Sandy J both of Florence OR get today's chuckle thanks!)


~All Girls Biker Bar~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds
his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for
a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times. ***


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18. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
________________________________________________________

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Chuckle 1253

Chuckle 1253
(Dick L of Florence OR gets today's chuckle thanks!)


~Seat Belt~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)


I got stopped for speeding the other day. I thought I could talk my way out of it until the cop looked at my dog in the back seat.

See picture at bottom of the page.
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17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
_______________________________________________________

Sign You're Driving Too Fast........

Chuckle 1252

Chuckle 1252
(Rick R of Surrey gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~Who's Going to Pay~ (2nd time around)
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.

She asked, "Do you have health insurance?" He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied "Send the bill to my brother-in-law." ***


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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
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(Steven Wright's gem for the day.)

16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)

Chuckle 1251

Chuckle 1251
(Today's chuckle thanks go to Pam S of Roseville CA!)


~ Political Correctness~
(Plus: Today in History and Word for the Day.)

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -
She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -
She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" -
She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE".
She is a "LIGHT- HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPER-HIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" -
She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -
She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -
She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you -
She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" -
She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" -
She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -
She is a "LOW COST EROTIC PROVIDER."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -
He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" -
He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -
He prefers "GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -
He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" -
He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -
He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" -
He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
It's "VENTRAL CLEAVAGE"
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(Click Today in History and learn.)
. Today in history
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(Steven Wright's gem for the day.)

15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Chuckle 1250

Chuckle 1250
(Charles M of Bradenton FL gets today's chuckle thanks!)

~Remembering Problems~
(Plus: Today in History, Word for the Day and 6 Differences.)

Couples in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up fro m his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks. "No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?" He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks. Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"
***
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(Click Today in History and learn.)
. Today in history
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(Sharpen your vocabulary by clicking Word for the Day)
(Word for the Day)
________________________________________________________

(Steven Wright's gem for the day.)

14. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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(Find the 6 differences, answers below.)